Yesterday was tough. Surprisingly, I didn’t wish Mariah Carey Happy Birthday on Twitter. I am so not a fan. Eep.

I try really hard not to tell people about people I know. Some times I do but I try not to because I fear they will make up their minds about these people. Hmm and that sucks because normally when I do say something it may be rather unpleasant. I just hope the people I tell are wise enough to know how to handle such things and realise these people aren’t one dimensional and don’t remember what I’ve said. Unfortunately, for the most part, they normally remember what I say. Why do people have good memory? I mean, I have bad memory. People tell me things and I forget it the next day…

Anyway, I am totally off topic. I have been distracted. Twitter has its allure and so many times I am tempted to see what people are doing. I have checked what Lindsay Lohan and Mariah Carey have been up to. They tweeted. Too bad, I can’t RT or respond. Tough tough tough.

I want to spend the rest of my time in prayerful meditation. *snickers* YEAH RIGHT. But I do want to focus on something that was said of my Twitter fast on Friday because the way I talk about it, I sure make myself sound like I am doing this BIG thing and I’m bragging about how tough it is and how I am doing it in the hope that I can spend more time with God.

But a friend and I were talking about what it meant for Jesus Christ to intercede on our behalf… like what does that mean exactly?

Who then will condemn us? No one–for Christ Jesus died for us and was raised to life for us, and he is sitting in the place of honor at God’s right hand, pleading for us. – Romans 8:34 NLT

It never strikes us that Jesus Christ would do such a thing on our behalf. We think His purpose was only to die on that cross and to rise again. We never think He does more than that.

I keep thinking I have to approach God with my requests and I have to make time for God and if I were to go back to God it was because of me.

But my friend suggested rather simply what if Jesus Christ was the one that prayed on my behalf? What if He was the one that wanted me to spend time with Him, what if He was the one that actually took the first step?

Could it be that He had prompted the Holy Spirit to put it into my heart that I was spending way too much time on Twitter and it was reaching an unhealthy state since He never heard from me? Could it be that He felt I was drifting away?

Could it be that He told me to go on a Twitter fast and I agreed? In other words, the idea to put a stop to what I was allowing myself to get into was not my own but God’s. He gave me the choice to take up this step of faith and I took it. And could He have done all this through His mysterious power without letting it on that it was Him?

Most people don’t understand how Twitter can morph into this evil being but perhaps it is the demons that play tricks with me. Perhaps. And maybe God saved me from that.

Wow, it sure brings a whole new level of understanding to the situation. I can definitely praise God now if that were the case. It is so much easier to say I DID IT! I THOUGHT IT AND I DID IT! But what if it isn’t all about me? What if it is all about God? I remember in my first Twittered Out post I mentioned “I have to thank God for coming down to my level every time though…” and maybe HE REALLY DID. Wow. When I typed that out, I was uncertain but I left it there. Now with such a revelation that it isn’t all my doing it sure makes it a very appropriate sentence.

The friend also said that ‘there’s an abundance of His grace in your life” and it was awesome. In my opinion, that made no sense! All these big words bantered about, I don’t get it. What does that mean, ‘His grace in my life’? Although now that I am less distracted and can think coherently, grace means something undeserved yet given. Ok, that kind of makes sense… At the time, I was distracted so I wikipedia-ed it and the phrase “unmerited favour” popped up. In other words, God has a lot of love for me. Wow. Yeay!

Before I continue I must thank my Maker for loving me so dearly. I must thank Him for caring enough about me because without Him who would I be? Nothing. No one. I have to thank Him for always taking that first step. My friend was saying that we are all special in God’s eyes. There is no comparison. So you are special too.

Thinking back as I type, after my grandmother’s memorial service last weekend, my cousins were singing and playing a very awful version of Jesus Loves Me. Maybe that was when God spoke to me? Wow. Could it be? Jesus Loves Me is one of my favourite songs. I remember thinking how strange out of all the songs, they were singing this one. Albeit badly.

Hmm, even stranger still… I was asked to come up with a few songs to sing at the memorial service and since I was feeling empty and devoid of any feelings for God I just thought of a few songs about thanksgiving. It was all very practical and a kind of ‘let’s get this over and done with’ feeling but I was struck with one song – Above All.

When my cousin saw the songs I had chosen, she commented that she would like to sing Above All too. When my uncle saw our set list, he suggested other songs but left Above All on that. Wow. At the time, I was thinking Above All would be appropriate because Easter was just around the corner. Wow. WOW. The end of the chorus of Above All goes like this,

Like a rose
Trampled on the ground
You took the fall
And thought of me
Above all

Wow. And after that Sunday, roughly two days later, I took my Twitter fast. Wow. God did think of me. I selected that song unknowingly… I did everything unknowingly but God knew didn’t He? He really did! He really did take the first step. Thank you, Jesus Christ. Thank you Holy Spirit! Thank you Heavenly Father! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU. Wow.

PS: Jesus Christ was crucified during the Passover wasn’t He? I was at church today and the speaker was saying how Pilate (I keep calling him Pee-Latte .. apparently, it’s supposed to be pronounced Pilot) came to Jerusalem during the Passover to ensure the Jews were in order. So no wonder Jesus Christ was the Lamb that was sacrificed! WOW! The significance and timing of everything. Wow. Them Jews need to know Jesus Christ.

There was something else… but I forget now. ARgh.

I am not sure whether to convert this blog into a plog or to keep it as a blog. When did blogging become an art form?

Every time I think of my blog I feel the need to tweak or change my theme. It’s a terrible disease. Even as I type, I have at least 10 windows open on new WordPress Themes. I am never happy with my blog because I feel it doesn’t live up to what it should be. What is it exactly? Is it personal? Is it impersonal? I cannot make up my mind. Should I only have serious posts… I don’t know. Not only that but strangely in the past week alone, I have had at least 3 people rocking up to me asking me about my blog or wordpress. Perhaps, it is a sign.

I am writing here because I have done it. It here would be referring to Twitter. Clearly, this was what drew me away from my blog in the first place. I can’t help it though. Twitter is so appealing and addictive with its 140 characters limit. Who knew we could get hooked on short messaging? To the extent that I found blogging tedious and I couldn’t say what I wanted just because I had read posts that said blogs should be like this or that. Not that I can say anything I like on Twitter either. There are eyes out there… EYES!

Anyway, I have decided to stop twittering for the next 11 days. It was a tough decision, one that was painfully hard to make considering how I check it in the morning when I wake up, how I leave it on and refresh it during work and how I come home and see what’s happening right until bedtime. It’s like ripping a vital organ out of me. How am I going to function? Ok, a mere exaggeration…

I haven’t drawn the rules yet but I’m guessing besides not posting on Twitter (although I have left a disclaimer that said I might for important tweets i.e. Mariah Carey’s birthday for example) I will have to decide whether I can log in and check out what’s happening. I should lay it out now…

The Rules for the Next 11 Twitter-Less Days

1. No tweeting unless absolutely necessary (re: MC’s birthday)
2. No logging in to Twitter unless absolutely necessary (re: MC’s birthday)
3. I can check individual Twitter pages (re: @MariahCarey @LindsayLohan)

I can’t think of anymore. Am I missing out on anything? I am thinking I can do this and live without Twitter since I have been on two holidays recently which totaled 8 days without the Internet so what is 11 days, right? Wrong. It will be so difficult because this time I will be here with my face plastered to computer screens 24/7. What am I to do, what am I to do?

What made me decide to give Twitter up for 11 days? Here is the holy answer: As it is the season of Lent, I decided I should try and respect it for the first time in my life. Sure I’ve missed the first 29 days but better late than never, right?

Why you might ask? What brought this on? Have I converted to Catholicism?

No, I haven’t converted to Catholicism. Before I continue, I should clarify that I am not suggesting that I am this holy person. Far from it. When I mentioned my self-imposed hiatus on Twitter, I made it a point not to announce that I will be back “after Easter” with much difficulty. My pride got the better of me when I boasted to one or two friends that they’ll see me “back on Twitter after Easter” though. I was even thinking maybe I should mention April 4, 2010 (Easter Day) but then stopped myself. Told you I couldn’t resist announcing my good deed. Ugh.

Because in all honesty, I consider myself more selfish than humble. I hate myself that over the last few months I have neglected God and my relationship with Him. After all I said at New Years’, I made no effort to draw closer to Him, in fact, I have drifted further. Sinning comes so naturally now that I have difficulty differentiating and knowing whether what I am doing is wrong or right. Not only that, I choose at times to justify my actions. True, there are moments when I shouldn’t feel all guilty but if I loved God I wouldn’t even consider doing it in the first place would I?

But here is the un-holy answer: Twitter produces so much noise. It is distracting yet appealing. Recently however, I think it started some time mid-February, I got myself hooked on someone’s Twitter page. The thing is however, it’s not really their fault unless they led me on which I don’t think they did. I led myself on. We had this moment when something was left unsaid and I made up what might have been said.

So much so that I imagined they were talking to me through their tweets yet I knew at times they were not. It was confusing and it hurt. I thought they liked me. It became this ugly monster and Twitter became scary. It was like a melting pot of emotions every time I logged in. It became a dangerous obsession that I started not to like because I was being delusional. Why? Well, aside from being indirect and vague about everything, I started to sound like a lovesick jealous person on Twitter which would be ok if that person shared the same sentiments. But they don’t because I imagined it. Did I crave this person’s attention? Yes. Did I want them all for myself? Yes. But what I have now is this … based on nothing.

I think I created this being in my mind, one that felt a certain way about me via their Twitter page and I bombarded that image with what I perceived. It was an illusion and a mirage. It wasn’t real. It’s quite a sickening and maddening disease, I must admit. The last few days, I felt quite crazy to the point that I thought if there ever was a rehab clinic I could enter for such psychological madness, I’d like to check myself in immediately. Clearly, I wasn’t liking it.

So here I am using the Lord’s name in vain to justify my leave of absence from Twitter. Well it’s probably a mixture of the two, holy and unholy. I almost had a Twitter meltdown since this was a dragged out affair for the last 6 weeks or so and it was reaching a point of no return. Perhaps it has reached the point of no return.

At the same time, it dawned on me that Easter was fast approaching and how I felt zilch for what Jesus Christ did for me on that cross. I felt empty and unhappy. I felt unfulfilled and sad. I felt hopeless, dejected and rejected. I felt crazy. I felt God-less. What a precarious position to be in!

So after much internal arguing and reasoning, I realised I had to take that drastic step. To draw myself away from Twitter and hopefully, reconnect with God on some level. Both are difficult things to do since I am feeling unfocused and fuzzy.

I have to thank God for coming down to my level every time though… I was thinking at first to quit / fast Twitter 7 days before Easter but I thought maybe it would be best to start now. It is truly difficult. I read a website today that said we shouldn’t give up for Lent but for me, if I don’t fast from Twitter, God’s going to be relegated to a corner. I am not saying that I am now going to be studying His word for the next 11 days. I don’t know if I have the strength and will power to do so. But maybe it will give me more time to reflect on other things besides this delusional character in my head.

Maybe staying away from Twitter will allow me to hear from God.

Today I did the 7 Stations at the Cross at church. Just a few points – I couldn’t concentrate very much even though it tried very hard to be this Easter experience. It was my fault though since I had just made the Twitter announcement and was overwhelmed with my actions. Anyway, the point is, I did feel myself overcome with tears initially but that dried up rather quickly once I started the experience. A few things to note:-

- Jesus Christ knew what Judas was going to do. Judas knew He was going to betray Jesus Christ. Yet Judas still ate the bread and drank from the cup. In other words, Jesus Christ made a covenant with Judas too. In other words, new life had been granted to a traitor. Jesus Christ really gave Himself to everybody

- I read earlier during the day that the guards who arrested Jesus fell down when He said he was who he was. I thought that was interesting because they realised maybe, for a second, He was God.

- When Jesus Christ told Peter to put his sword away and that he had chosen the cup that God the Father had given him, it dawned on me how difficult it was to drink that cup. The cup and sharing it symbolizes a covenant that Jesus accepted willingly. In other words, he wasn’t going to put up a fight. Instead, he was going to accept his fate and suffer on that cross for our sake. Wow.

- Even during all the reflection, I didn’t feel connected and I still thought of other people rather than myself. I thought, “well, I wished this person was doing the 7 stations.. it’d be good for them,” or I was requesting and telling God other things rather than what was at hand.

- The good news however, I was able to drive that imaginary being out of my head and I could focus long enough.

- Pilate didn’t really think Jesus was delusional. If I heard someone claiming however confidently that they were King, I’d think that person was mad.

- If Jesus did all that for me who was I to hold grudges against anybody else? I can forgive but it doesn’t mean I can’t stay away though.

- Jesus was verbally abused and hated on when the crowd and the Jewish leaders wanted to crucify him.

I can’t remember anything else. I’d whip out the booklet where I wrote stuff on but we were made to take out a rock from smelly water and the water touched the booklet so I am not going to it refer to it now. I might get my hands soiled. Bad idea. Plus, it is 2:20am. Time for bed… eep. Hope I didn’t bore you.

With the advent of social media and social networking, we find ourselves connecting to one another on the Internet through different ways. Netizens are not faceless anymore as they build their online presence.

On personal websites, we get to know the author pretty well, their thought processes and just what interests them. They may connect us to their facebook or twitter page.

On more topic-driven, genre specific sites, authors are recognised as ‘experts’ in their field and we respect their opinions. They have acquired a reputable online presence and again, may allow us to connect to them professionally.

Company websites are a whole different ball game. The question for them is should they remain faceless or should the staff be seen as individuals and personalities of the company? Would it be like columnists or editors for a newspaper?

The CEO does not count because clearly they are the face of the company. I’m referring to the other staff. Should they be expected to represent the company they are working for 24/7? Online and offline?

It works very much like celebrity endorsements, I suppose. If Coca-Cola pays a celebrity to drink its soda, the celebrity is expected to drink only Coca-Cola and not be caught dead with Pepsi. This is not a very good example.

Let us say this – Is it ok for staff to link a personal twitter or website or facebook to the company website or should it be kept separate? Should the company allow this or expect this of their staff?

What I am trying to say is, is that both parties here get to leverage on each other’s popularity. If the company website is popular, the personal website may get a ratings boost or gain more readers and vice versa. It gives a face to whoever is managing the company website for example. Should companies be strictly business or should they allow a little watercooler talk on their websites?

The only concern I can think of is if the staff leaves, what happens then?

I haven’t blogged for 2 weeks for many reasons. Maybe you can help me solve my blogging writer’s block.

The main reason however is Twitter. You can follow me at @pigduck. I have always thought I would like to micro-blog on pigduck.com rather than write my extra long-winded posts but then I find it a waste of internet real estate to just write something short…

Another reason? I want to write about a plethora of things but then I worry about grammar, sentence structure and commenters. Not that I get the latter but still. There was a time when I used to blog about anything and everything, when I wouldn’t care who read my blog. Now I do which is kind of weird. It doesn’t help that I need to categorise or stay on topic which is rather difficult for me…

And when I blog about things that are close to my heart, I don’t want to sound patronising or talking down on others. I tend to spew advice or ‘words of wisdom’.

I think the major problem is I cannot decide what this blog should be. You read sites that tell you that your blog should be specific and so do I want to be an entertainment website or do I want to be a personal website or do I want to be a faith-based site? I want to be all. But is that allowed? To be everything, all rolled into one?

I found this many moons ago and I remember thinking how this really describes my life in a nutshell. It’s kind of … sad.

I had intended to sleep at a decent hour last night but ended up sleeping at the crack of dawn. I had some spurt of inspiration at 2am in the morning which kind of sucks ‘cos that happened twice this week.

The good news of course is that I was elated and on cloud nine for most of yesterday because aside from getting decent sleep the night before, Lindsay Lohan’s FoD eHarmony dating spoof ad really did make grand waves on the internet. So far 2,372,537 views and it’s been on the internet less than 3 days.

Anyway, let’s hope my inspiration does not go to waste and I actually find some way to tell people about it.

Something for you and me to water our mouths to, here are the official photos for the Top 13 of American Idol. Do you think they’ll do a photoshoot every week?

As much as I would like to live blog, I live in a far away land so that’s virtually impossible. I will keep my recap short and sweet though – Adam Lambert made Black or White sound REALLY good. I was flabbergasted by his performance. Danny Gokey has a really cheerful face. It’s open, happy… I like him very much. His singing is also really good. Megan Joy was kinda quirky in a good way with Rockin’ Robin. She’s really pretty – especially in her high school photos!! I liked the visually impaired Scott MacIntyre even if his some times googly eyes kind of freak me out but then I think of Andrea Bocelli and then all’s good… Anoop and Jorge have got to get out. Fast. Not that I’m discriminatory in any way… I just found their performances really bad. And Anoop probably got in ‘cos of the whole Slumdog Millionaire hype. The rest were all good but forgettable… Kris wasn’t forgettable. He reminded me of Jesse McCartney and of the Beatles with his guitar and the way he moved. Eww to the one channeling Justin Timberlake. It’s my first time watching all of them by the way. I saved myself for the Top 13.

Adam Lambert

Danny Gokey

Megan Joy

Lil Rounds

Scott MacIntyre

Allison Iraheta

Kris Allen

Matt Giraud

Alexis Grace

Michael Sarver

Anoop Desai

Jorge Nunez

Jasmine Murray