I wanted to write this yesterday but was caught up with something else. It doesn’t matter though. It is ok to write this today because it has been exactly one month since I left for Summer School.

It has been OK so far. God has been with me and He’s propped me up thus far. I am learning in my classes and it has been interesting.

About a week ago, I’ve felt slight drops in my happiness levels. I am not sure what attributed to them but it is probably a host of things. Yesterday though, I was feeling slightly sorry for myself and was in a contemplative mode for most of the day.

Let me begin by saying that God’s been with me even though I haven’t been all that on point with Him. As always. It is so easy to live a life devoid of God. You live in your own world, surrounded by the noise of this world that you are distracted, forgetting God. God does not forget. In my previous post, I mentioned that I believe God led me here. Little did I know God would confirm that on the 2nd day at Harvard. On Sunday, July 19, I wandered the streets of Cambridge to find a church I could go to. I only found a Catholic Mass that was mid way through. I sat through it all, amazed at the procession, the choir, the organ, the robes, the Communion, everythinng basically. I didn’t know what was going but it was just… an experience.

I went for lunch after and at lunch, two girls sat with me and we started talking. I found out they were staying at my dorms and after lunch I accompanied one of them on a campus tour. We talked all the way around the campus and she hesitantly enquired about the cross I was wearing. When she first asked, I didn’t know quite what to say but that it was made of white gold.

I did say though I was a Christian and she became quite excited saying she had been praying for Christian friends and she met two so far. I thought that was cool although I was humbled by God because He thought I was ‘Christian’ enough for someone to pray for and meet. I totally didn’t believe it but that night, I received an email from a close friend whom I had relayed my whole ‘I believe God sent me to Harvard’ ish but not only that, she is a friend that I talk most things spiritual with. I took that as an affirmation from God that my time here in Harvard would be blessed and it has been immeasurably.

So I pottered about for a couple of weeks, doing some tourist-y things but my enthusiasm started to wane as stated and I knew it but didn’t think much of it. It could have been a culmination of a few things like mid terms, weather, assignments and just general irritable things. Yet last week, God proved His goodness when I scored unbelievably well for a mid term and an assignment.

It was Thursday, July 15 and I spotted a rainbow that evening since it had been drizzling for most of the day. It left the night cold and breezy. I sat outside in my courtyard and looked around me and thought how beautiful it was. I thought of the phrase ‘God of the Universe’ and thought it was a song. I came back to my room and youtube-d it rather than google-d it. Strangely. When nothing came up for ‘God of the Universe’ I thought it must have been a Hillsong song and put that together with my search and ‘Centre of my Life’ was the first in the list. I thought maybe God might want me to listen to that but of course, doubted that thought but when I heard the first few piano chords, I KNEW it had to be Spirit inspired.

I listened to the song and thought the words were just so relevant and I was moved. I really wanted to proclaim the words of the song. I was surprised by all of this. Hillsong in my opinion had become noisy music rather than worship song but this song, was relatively new but just … speaking exactly what I wanted to say. It’s been on repeat ever since.

I went through Friday not doing much and by Saturday, I was feeling slightly sorry for myself. I was going through my Facebook and a pastor had liked a link. I clicked on it ‘cos it had the word ‘tv’ in it and that’s how I stumbled on Jaeson Ma’s Only Love Rally in Malaysia. It all started from that. I spent my time listening to his sermons and it was as if the heaven’s had affirmed something I had said many years ago.

Many years ago, I remember I mentioned that I had a heart for celebrities. I wanted them to be saved or to have a heart for God and to mention it in some way. To me, that was one way of spreading the message of God. In a way, I have always believed they had a role to play. Hence why Mariah Carey during her Emancipation of Mimi period made me like her even more. It was having a faith based message and promoting that.

People thought me strange of course, but now, listening to Jaeson Ma, I knew I was on the right track. I could even say that it was a vision placed in me so long ago. I listened to youtube videos of Jaeson Mam his song, his new docu movie about Christianity in Asia and his story of an actor who turned back to God and eventually made and starred in a film that won at the Toronto Film Festival. It is understanding the power of the media and the voice it has to reach the masses with a message of hope, faith and love.

I’m excited and I spend hours just listening to what Jaeson has to say and also listening to Nick Vujicic’s testimony. I’m really excited ‘cos I might just get to see him when I go home since he’s visiting Malaysia. The message of prayer and obeing is very strong. We need to realise that as Christians, our lives shouldn’t offend God and that we have hope no matter how things seem.

Little did I realise that all this happened a month after arriving in Boston. Exactly a month. Stumbling on someone who speaks my language about faith is not by fluke. It’s not by coincidence. I’m not sure what to make of it yet but to thank God. I really wanted to attend church to kind of celebrate my one month in Boston but I didn’t wake up for it. It upsets me but oh well… what to do? I know God is with me.

It’s cool that Jaeson has done a documentary on Christianity in Asia too. Something else that I think about often.

Over the weekend, I and a few others headed over the hills to, initially as we thought, learn more about God. Instead, it became a journey of REST. A time to Reflect, Energise, Savour and Trust.

It was unexpected yet necessary; the timing was perfect for me. After my 11 day Twitter fast, this weekend getaway was a treat, an added bonus to spend more time with God and to discern the presence of the Holy Spirit. It was an affirmation of what God had said over the course of my Twitter fast, the idea of Sabbath which is almost like a fast and the idea that God made things good. I do believe that is not a coincidence.

We looked at Luke 24:13-35, “On the Road to Emmaus” where Jesus Christ, after having just resurrected, spends quality time with two of his followers.

We were given a crash course on how to converse and to listen but more, to listen. We were quietened down and made to have moments of silence, where interaction with one another was kept to a minimum and instead, we spent that time recuperating from the ravishing noise of city life.

In those moments, we were asked to be sensitive to the things around us and to what we were feeling. We had to be still and to remove all distractions so that we could maybe, hear from God.

We went outdoors to admire and savour God’s creation and to remind ourselves that everything for all intents and purposes was made for good and not for evil.

During this time, we were made to keep a grand silence, we did not talk to one another at all and we were asked also to seek out a tree and see what God had to say to us during this time in solitude.

I was skeptical that God would speak to me during my walk. I took a few photos, admiring nature and sauntering along the roads aimlessly when I saw a plant that seemed to jut out from its place on the garden wall. Its branches stood out, hovering over the road, almost like a shelter. I thought that a bit odd and walked on. I started noticing that a lot of plants or small trees stuck out in this manner, almost like an awning.

I recalled something I had heard earlier in the week but I couldn’t place my finger on it. It was about a tree that provided a shade for someone and it grew to cover and protect him. I thought for a bit and it finally, came to me – Anne Rice’s Christ is Lord: Out of Egypt. Joseph was relaying the story of Jonah to his family. In the story, God grew a tree to provide protection from the sun for Jonah.

It was a lightbulb moment and I decided to head back to read Jonah since I was curious whether I got the story right. I went back and read Jonah, luckily it was only 4 chapters but it was really interesting.

Jonah is almost like us in the way he faced his troubles. God asked him to do something and he runs the other direction. Jonah gets into a storm and even though he knows he is the one causing the storm, he ignores it. The people around him are caught in this storm too and even though Jonah tells them that God is probably trying to send him a message through this storm and the best thing they can do is throw him overboard.

They don’t listen to him and try to do things their way. That doesn’t work so as a last resort, they pray for forgiveness before chucking Jonah out of the boat. Once they do, the storm stops instantly and they are so amazed that they vow to serve this God that is powerful enough to stop the storm.

Jonah is swallowed by a whale (the famous part of the story) and in the whale’s belly, he says a prayer. The prayer sounds so modern, I was stunned for a moment. Basically through all he’d gone through, he could still praise and thank God and understand that his salvation comes from the Lord alone. It is an amazing prayer.

On a side note, I commented during the retreat how when we were little we read the Old Testament but when we grow up, we look at the New Testament. To learn life’s lessons, we should really refer to the books in the Old Testament more. I mean, look at Jonah’s story!

Ok, back to Jonah. So, God gets the whale to spit him out and he directs Jonah a 2nd time to tell the city of Nineveh that they would be destroyed. This time, Jonah listens and tells the people of Nineveh what is to happen. The people in Nineveh repent and mourn. Even the king, the wise king, wears mourning clothes and issues a decree to the whole city in the hopes that they might maybe, move God to change His mind.

And guess what? YES! God changes his mind and doesn’t destroy Nineveh. Jonah is pissed ‘cos God backtracked and had mercy and compassion on Nineveh. Jonah is quite a drama queen. God asks him if he has a right to be angry.

Anyway, Jonah walks off in a huff, finds a spot east of the city to see what happens and during that time,

And the Lord God arranged for a leafy plant to grow there, and soon it spread its broad leaves over Jonah’s head, shading him from the sun. This eased his discomfort, and Jonah was very grateful for the plant. – Jonah 4:6 [NLT]

Not so fast ‘cos God creates a worm to destroy the plant soon after and again Jonah throws a tantrum. God again asks him if he has a right to be angry.

So God points out if Jonah can be upset over a plant, what more God over Nineveh, a city with 120,000 living in spiritual darkness, imagine how much He cares for them. The end.

An amazing story. I really cannot believe what a gem of a story it is. I never knew about the leafy plant until Anne Rice’s Christ is Lord book. It is a story that we can relate to.

We rebel against God and when we go through tough times we turn back to Him. He delivers us and we praise Him and love Him for doing so. He takes this opportunity to get us to do things and when the outcome is not what we expect, we find offense. And God is right. What right do we have to be angry? If God makes a u-turn decision, if things don’t go the way we thought it would, it is not up to us at all. It is all up to God.

Not only that, in the Jonah story it shows that with the right heart and prayer before God, we can move Him enough to change His decision. Therefore, he does consider our opnion but only if we are sincere and truly repentant like the people and king of Nineveh. It shows that He cares.

Actually, through one man’s rebellion and return to God, along the way, God used Jonah unknowingly to bring people out of spiritual darkness – the superstitious people on the boat and the people of Nineveh.

The story also shows God’s unfailing love for His people. Personally, if I were God, I would have used someone other than Jonah the drama queen but God uses Jonah. Even Jonah can praise and thank God in the whale’s belly for saving him yet when God saves Nineveh he gets angry. Jonah should have been happy for the people! But oh well… but we are like that too, right? Selfish at times…

It was such an interesting story to read and learn of during my grand silence. I felt God really directing and enlightening me to read this story, especially the part where the plant grows to offer shade. It is almost like a protection, a shield, a covering… You feel comfortable under it, you feel safe, you feel peaceful.

In the same way, that is what God’s love is for me. So even though I didn’t find a tree that called out to me, I believe the Holy Spirit assured me the power of His love. The rest I will feel in His love.

I am shaking my head in awe right now. God is good.

Our facilitator commented at the start of the retreat that because we took the first step, our time would be blessed. On hindsight, that is really true. God blessed us. Y’know, he commented that he didn’t mean to say that but it must have been Spirit led. Indeed.

In our last bible study before Easter and the camp, we were looking at Luke 18:31-34 [NLT] where Jesus predicts his death.

The disciples did not understand any of this. Its meaning was hidden from them, and they did not know what he was talking about. – Luke 18:34

We focused on this last verse. We discussed it and then looked at 1 Corinthians 2 where it said in verse 10,

But it was to us that God revealed these things by his Spirit. For his Spirit searches out everything and shows us God’s deep secrets.

In other words, there may come times when things do not make sense to us, when we are blinded on purpose by God and when He decides to keep us in the dark. Then there are times when the Spirit will reveal things to us and open our eyes. Look at Jonah and the people of Nineveh. Look at the disciples who only later understood what Jesus was predicting about his death. Look at the two who were on their way to Emmaus.

In Luke 24:15-16 [NLT] it says,

As they talked and discussed these things, Jesus himself suddenly came and began walking with them. But God kept them from recognizing him.

He asks them what was bothering them and they talk of all that had happened the last few days. i.e. Jesus’ death and everything.

So Jesus calls them foolish because of their unbelief and then starts to give them, as our facilitator said, what would have been the most interesting bible study ever as Jesus himself relays what the prophets had predicted of His death and resurrection.

So they get to their destination, beg Jesus to stay with them and as Jesus blesses the bread and breaks it,

Suddenly, their eyes were opened, and they recognized him. And at that moment he disappeared! – Luke 24:31 [NLT]

In other words, it is like a spiritual awakening. In 1 Corinthians 2:14 [NLT], it says,

But people who aren’t spiritual can’t receive these truths from God’s Spirit. It all sounds foolish to them and they can’t understand it, for only those who are spiritual can understand what the Spirit means.

Maybe this best describes the last few weeks for me. A kind of spiritual discernment in many things. Genesis, the Covenant, Sabbath, … they are all intertwined and I guess it has never resonated so loudly until now.

We were told the importance of the Sabbath. The weekend for us was a time away from the hustle and bustle of our life, we had to put aside work and focus on time alone with God. Jesus spent time resting as well. He spent time away from the crowds and his disciples. He spent time alone. He slept quite a lot actually. We are meant to imitate that. Remember God himself, after creating everything, rested.

And God blessed the seventh day and declared it holy, because it was the day when he rested from all his work of creation. – Genesis 2:3 [NLT]

So we had a Sabbath bag to store things that reminded us or tempted us to work over the weekend. It was optional but most of us obediently put our things in. I guess we treasured our time with God more. Our facilitator commented about us being quite a unique bunch. The people he had tried this with before, mind you were much older, but could not sacrifice as easily. I’m not bragging, I’m just saying.

We partook in the Holy Communion, a different version from what we are used to. We looked at some liturgy, in particular, the Examen of Consciousness. A prayer format we may be familiar with but still, good to be reminded of.

Strangely, the phrase “fullness of joy” just struck me while writing the rest of this post so I looked it up and straightaway found,

You will show me the path of life; In Your presence is fullness of joy; At Your right hand are pleasures forevermore. – Psalm 16:11 [NKJV]

Wow. Stunned. Again. Speechless. Again. In awe. Again.

And this was the first verse I saw on this page,

And He said, “My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.” – Exodus 33:14 [NKJV]

We were taught at the retreat that we are never alone. Like the two followers that Jesus walked with on the way to Emmaus, He is alive today and He walks alongside us. In our conversation with others, with ourselves and with Him, we can count on Him.

For where two or three gather together as my followers, I am there among them.” – Matthew 18:20 [NLT]

Most of the time however, we are oblivious. Maybe because we are so caught up with our own things. So we must be consciously aware. It is difficult. But if we rest enough, in God most importantly, we hear Him. We see Him. Amen.

You know, when I read Luke 24:13-35 at the start of the retreat, it struck me that Jesus took time to walk with two of his followers and not his disciples.

Our facilitator brought up how privileged they were. After all that Jesus had gone through, suffered, died, gone to Hades and back, risen up, etc he could have been anywhere else but he chose to walk with these two men to explain the prophecies that predicted His glory. He even had time to eat with them… I mean… Jesus has time for everyone… commoners like you and me.

I came back from work yesterday and while settling down, a phrase came to me… “And God saw that it was good.” A very popular phrase said in Genesis 1.

To sum it all up, Genesis 1:31 in the NLT says,

Then God looked over all he had made, and he saw that it was very good! And evening passed and morning came, marking the sixth day.

I think it was over the last week that I came across someone who had said that God had created this world good. He was pleased with what He had made.

I’m not sure where I am supposed to go with that statement. I shall leave it.

I wanted to say that I stumbled on Martin Sapp’s The Best in Me yesterday as well. A simple yet powerful gospel song.

He saw the best in me,
when everyone else around me,
could only see the worst in me.

He’s mine and I’m his,
it doesn’t matter what I did.
He only sees me for who I am.

He saw the best in me,
when everyone else around me
could only see the worst in me.

He saw the best

The best

He saw the best in me

He’s mine and I’m his,
it doesn’t matter what I did.
He only sees me for who I am.

4/4/10 Edit: I wanted to say the song above reminded me of my Twittered Out Day 7 post because Martin sings “He’s mine and I am His…” Wow.

So it is finally Good Friday. I have two more days till my Twitter fast is over. I remember at the beginning of my fast, I stumbled (yes, I stumble a lot) on a great article called “On Self-Denial” by Charles G. Finney. It was written in April 27, 1859 yet it is easy to understand and so applicable even now.

I did the 7 Stations of the Cross with my church last week. Interestingly today, I stumbled on internetmonk.com’s own 11 Stations of the Cross.

- Stations of the Cross: The First Station
- Stations of the Cross: The Second Station
- Stations of the Cross: The Third Station
- Stations of the Cross: The Fourth Station
- Stations of the Cross: The Fifth Station
- Stations of the Cross: The Sixth Station
- Stations of the Cross: The Seventh Station
- Stations of the Cross: The Eighth Station
- Stations of the Cross: The Ninth Station
- Stations of the Cross: The Tenth Station
- Stations of the Cross: The Eleventh Station

I didn’t know people did these Stations of the Cross. *shrugs*

So to end, I will post up a song that really touched me this week. It is called “At the Foot of the Cross”. My heart melted when I heard this song…

They were watching from a distance
And they could not
Take their eyes from You
You were bleeding
They were weeping
Faithful sisters, they had followed you
They did not understand
They could not see
They were mourning their loss
As the sky turned black
And the Earth turned red
At the foot of the cross

He was standing near your mother
They were so close
They could hear you sighing
All around them angry voices
Pierced the darkness
And you were dying
But they would not leave
They lingered there
No matter the cost
They were staying
And they were praying
At the foot of the cross

Keep me near the cross
Near the cross
May I never stray so far
That I cannot see
What flowed down for me
At the foot of the cross

Now I’m standing in your presence
And I cannot take my eyes from you
You have risen I’m forgiven
Precious Saviour, oh I worship you
No I’m not looking back
I’ve heard your voice
And I’m staying here
I’ve made my choice
For now it’s real, now I kneel
At the foot of the cross

I ’stumbled’ on this via Facebook. My youth leader had posted up a different song from Ray Boltz called “Feel the Nails“. This song is just as amazing and touching but ‘At the Foot of the Cross’ is my Easter song.

Too many things to think about this Good Friday. What Jesus Christ did on that cross will forever shock us. The message of love.

I woke up 15 minutes ago humming “Trust and Obey”. I’m not sure what to make of this at all… But to thank Him and praise Him.

When we walk with the Lord in the light of His Word,
What a glory He sheds on our way!
While we do His good will, He abides with us still,
And with all who will trust and obey.

Refrain:
Trust and obey, for there’s no other way
To be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey.

Not a shadow can rise, not a cloud in the skies,
But His smile quickly drives it away;
Not a doubt or a fear, not a sigh or a tear,
Can abide while we trust and obey.

Not a burden we bear, not a sorrow we share,
But our toil He doth richly repay;
Not a grief or a loss, not a frown or a cross,
But is blessed if we trust and obey.

But we never can prove the delights of His love
Until all on the altar we lay;
For the favor He shows, for the joy He bestows,
Are for them who will trust and obey.

Then in fellowship sweet we will sit at His feet,
Or we’ll walk by His side in the way;
What He says we will do, where He sends we will go;
Never fear, only trust and obey.

The few days before the New Year, I was contemplating over what I wanted and what needed to be changed for the New Year. So many things are beyond my control and my burden is not really for myself but for others.

I have to admit that my walk with Christ has not been the most regular in 2009 but during the moments when I did walk with Him, He would shower me with agape love and tell me that He is there for me. The Spirit would show Himself and would say that He cares and I should have faith. At those times, in my joy, I have faith, trust and love. But it wears off readily enough and the burdens come creeping back when I see others continue in apparent dire hopelessness and negativity. It hurts me and I worry.

So I was thinking what would be a suitable verse for the New Year and Psalm 23 came into mind. The first verse of this Psalm is,

The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want (NIV)

It is a popular Psalm and I thought a lot about this first verse. I can’t help but feel that this should be the Psalm for the New Year and perhaps this is what God wants me to know, believe and grasp.

Yes this verse is normally associated with death. The weekend just before my dad passed, he brought back a DVD that my sister had bought for Him entitled, “The Lord is My Shepherd”. We watched it together and although he fell asleep watching it, since it was very boring, it was still the last verse we had paid attention to together. The truth was, it wasn’t planned that we should watch such things. We didn’t know he would pass away a day or two later. But God knew and He wanted us to remember that through it all, He is our Lord and our Saviour.

The 2nd last weekend before my father passed away, we spent the time watching Amazing Grace and Evan Almighty. It had to be the work of the Holy Spirit and the timing of the Lord.

But if you really want to know what the last thing my father watched, it was The Break-Up. Ha ha.

(Edit 04/01/10: I got the weeks mixed up but have changed it already)

It is true, we have all we need like what Psalm 23 says.

The Lord is my shepherd; I have all that I need. He lets me rest in green meadows; he leads me beside peaceful streams. He renews my strength. He guides me along right paths, bringing honor to his name. Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me. Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me. You prepare a feast for me in the presence of my enemies. You honor me by anointing my head with oil. My cup overflows with blessings. Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me all the days of my life, and I will live in the house of the Lord forever.

As I read through it last night as one of the verses for the New Year, it was affirmation from God that what He placed in my heart a couple of days before the New Year is what He wants me to bring into the new year and decade. To God be all the Glory.

New Years Eve, I was called to a friend’s house for a small gathering and to countdown the New Year. To be honest, I was reluctant to go at first but after the night was over, I believe it was Spirit inspired. My friend was telling me all that she had gone through over the year, the people she met, what God had put into her heart and she spoke so much about what essentially our faith should be and what it means to sacrifice our beings to God.

At the time I was thinking this was quite serious for a New Years Eve party but I suppose God had other ideas. Just before I left, it was probably 10 minutes into 2010 when she quoted Philippians 3:8. I spent the 1/2 hour after that relating my burdens to another trusted friend and she did provide some solutions to problems that I feel are dead-ended. I could not help feel that it was God’s timing that got me to say what had been on my heart for months and all in the first hour of 2010!

I arrived home pondering and winding down. The 2nd verse of “So You Would Come” came to mind,

Nothing you can do
Could make Him love you more
And nothing that you’ve done
Could make Him close the door
Because of His great love
He gave His only Son
Everything was done
So you would come

I spent some time in prayer and reading Philippians 3:7-21 and Psalm 23.

I once thought these things were valuable, but now I consider them worthless because of what Christ has done. Yes, everything else is worthless when compared with the infinite value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have discarded everything else, counting it all as garbage, so that I could gain Christ and become one with him. I no longer count on my own righteousness through obeying the law; rather, I become righteous through faith in Christ. For God’s way of making us right with himself depends on faith. I want to know Christ and experience the mighty power that raised him from the dead. I want to suffer with him, sharing in his death, so that one way or another I will experience the resurrection from the dead!

I don’t mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection. But I press on to possess that perfection for which Christ Jesus first possessed me. No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us.

Let all who are spiritually mature agree on these things. If you disagree on some point, I believe God will make it plain to you. But we must hold on to the progress we have already made.

Dear brothers and sisters, pattern your lives after mine, and learn from those who follow our example. For I have told you often before, and I say it again with tears in my eyes, that there are many whose conduct shows they are really enemies of the cross of Christ. They are headed for destruction. Their god is their appetite, they brag about shameful things, and they think only about this life here on earth. But we are citizens of heaven, where the Lord Jesus Christ lives. And we are eagerly waiting for him to return as our Savior. He will take our weak mortal bodies and change them into glorious bodies like his own, using the same power with which he will bring everything under his control. – Philippians 3:7-21

It says it all. I really feel that this is what God wants me to hold on to. Or what He wants us to hold on to as we go into 2010. Let us re-focus on Him. Others may falter but who are we to judge?

“Do not judge others, and you will not be judged. For you will be treated as you treat others. The standard you use in judging is the standard by which you will be judged. “And why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye when you have a log in your own? How can you think of saying to your friend, ‘Let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,’ when you can’t see past the log in your own eye? Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye. – Matthew 7:1-5

The first thing I saw this morning was this photo of a mini Michael Jackson impersonator. I thought it was such a great photo. This pose should be trademarked. It can only be Michael Jackson.

Well today was an interesting day. Doors opened for me and to top it off, I watched Michael Jackson’s THIS IS IT.

Movie Poster

I have to say that he is truly iconic, a musical genius and a fantastic entertainer. He embodies music and it permeates from his skin. He is music. His moves are irreplaceable, his flair and flamboyance will never be matched and his voice is incomparable.

Some highlights for me:- Smooth Criminal, Beat It, Billie Jean and I’ll Be There

I always thought when Mariah Carey covered Jackson 5’s I’ll Be There and ‘made it her own’, I really thought she had nailed it. What I realise tonight is that Mariah did nothing with and for the song. Sure she layered the song with timbre and her octave defying voice but when I heard Michael Jackson sing I’ll Be There in This Is It, it was ethereal. Michael’s soulful voice brought out the intensity and meaning of the lyrics to a whole new level. The acoustic yet very fresh and current touch really brought out Michael’s inner voice. It was heavenly to say the least.

When the introduction strains of Billie Jean were played, I let out an orgasmic sigh because it really melted my heart.

There were times when your head unconsciously bop to Michael’s music and his dancing is so different from his back-up dancers. They did the same moves but somehow, they were never quite as light as he was on his feet. He had an agility and he could make any part of his body dance, from his fingers to his torso. It was captivating to see his flexible body move in time to the rhythm. It was sexy.

There were glimpses of the back-up dancers and singers, stage hands and crew with their mouths open, spellbound and inspired by Michael Jackson. You could tell they were true fans of the art he created and represented. If I had been at rehearsals, I am sure I would have been the same.

You could tell a lot of love was put into editing and making sure THIS IS IT the movie was an experience for the fans. It really was well done and hats off to Kenny Ortega and the crew for such an amazing show.

The audio mastering they did was impressive. I enjoyed the music very much. It was like they had recreated the old. It was old yet new. It was familiar yet refreshing. I suppose that is what makes live concerts so appealing.

The props were fantastic – they thought of everything from aerial artists to 3D to animation to make up & costume to pyrotechnics, Michael Jackson’s THIS IS IT would have been quite a show. And I realised too that only Michael Jackson can carry glittery jackets and pants without making them look tacky.

It was obvious though that Michael Jackson was too thin. He was really fragile and delicate looking compared to the other people on stage with him. I noticed he was wearing thermal underwear at times and then some times wearing a full on autumn jacket and layers. That made me kind of sad and you really couldn’t ignore the fact that he seemed grossly underweight. There were times when he would curve his body in a dance move and you would see the ridges of his ribs through his shirt. That made me sad.

Anyway, I hope the spirit of Michael Jackson lives on. The spirit to love and heal the world and to change the man in the mirror.

The lyrics for Jamie Slocum’s ‘Fragile’

The storms of life are surrounding me
They are closing in on every side
And I’m so scared I don’t know where to run
I’m crawling to Your door Jesus
I need a lifeline
Don’t turn me away

Here I am
Lord I need You to rescue me
This pain inside is too much for me
I’m broken and shattered
I need You more than ever
To piece me back together
Handle me with care
‘Cos You know my heart is fragile

I can’t take another sleepless night
I’m weary from the battles I’ve lost
God don’t be far away
I need You to find me
You’re the only one that I can talk to

Here I am
Lord I need You to rescue me
This pain inside is too much for me
I’m broken and shattered
I need You more than ever
So piece me back together
Handle me with care
‘Cos You know my heart is fragile

Here I am
Lord I need You to rescue me
This pain inside is too much for me
I’m broken and shattered
I need You more than ever
To piece me back together
Handle me with care

Here I am
Lord I need You to rescue me (please don’t leave me alone)
This pain inside is too much for me
I’m broken and shattered
I need You more than ever
To piece me back together
Handle me with care

‘Cos You know my heart is fragile
‘Cos You know my heart is fragile

The video for Jamie Slocum’s ‘Fragile’

My thoughts

What a great song! It’s exactly what I’m finding hard to say.

I especially love the line, “I need you more than ever”. The ad libs near the end are also the best. I have added the only audible line which is, “please don’t leave me alone”.

After watching this great video and some others from Christian Central Church, Las Vegas, it’s made me think more about how much stories are left untold in church.

I mean, when your church is big, you really don’t hear of the miracles or the heart-wrenching stories. So many stories of hope, of despair and of thanksgiving are swept under the carpet.

I think it’s really important for people to hear these stories of their church members. First of all, you start to see church-goers as more than pew warmers. Secondly, you begin to relate to them and understand their history and/or background. Thirdly, you begin to see the glory of God shine and the faith of believers stay steadfast or waver in trying times. Indeed this is why testimonies are important!

It would be such a wonderful project if we could get a series of these running! I’d love to be involved in such a project. A story-telling project of the people in your church.

Sure, you have cell groups but this is different. I am sure churches have a lot of stories to tell.

One of my favourite songs from Mariah Carey – “Can’t Take that Away”

They can say, Anything they want to say,
Try to bring me down,
But I will not allow anyone to succeed hanging clouds over me,
And they can try, Hard to make me feel that I,
Don’t matter at all,
But I refuse to falter in what I believe or lose faith in my dreams

‘Cause there’s, There’s a light in me,
That shines brightly, They can try,
But they can’t take that away from me
From me

No no nooo

Oh they, They can do
Anything they want to you,
If you let them in,
But they won’t ever win,
If you cling to you pride, and just push them aside,
See I.. I have learned,
There’s an inner peace I own,
Something in my soul that they can not possess
So I won’t be afraid and the darkness will fade

‘Cause there’s, There’s a light in me
That shines brightly, They can try,
But they can’t take that away from me

No oh oh, They can’t take this
Precious love I’ll always have inside me,
Certainly the Lord will guide me where I need to go

They can say Anything they want to say,
Try to bring me down,
But I won’t face the ground,
I will rise steadily sailing out of their reach,
Oh, Lord, they do try,
Hard to make me feel that I,
Don’t matter at all
But I refuse to falter
In what I believe or lose faith in my dreams,
‘Cause there’s a light in me,
That shines brightly

They can try but they can’t take that away from
Me From me

——————————————

A lot of people may bring you down constantly, make you feel like nothing and that you’re worthless but the truth is, you and I, we’re precious. And some times, it’s so hard to believe that when everything else proves otherwise.

And negativity is of the devil. It is easy to let it seep in and take hold of you, bringing fear and pity with it.

I have always stood firm that God is my guiding light. I believe I am where I am because God placed me here for a reason. If people look down on me then they are disapproving God’s decisions which is foolishness if you ask me. I am not being smug, I am being honest. My confidence lies in God and not in myself.

I do not need to explain myself to others and they can sneer at me but God knows that I love Him and He has the blueprint to my life.

I had the same nagging feeling like everyone else to find the purpose to life, to my life. I think a lot of people are faced with this dilemma because they are discontented with their situation and feel lost. I let this take over some times, this dissatisfaction and when people start to curse and jeer at me, I break down and lose hope… but then, I turn to God.

I have sought God’s will in my life. I have asked for purpose. I have offered my life to Him and said, “Your will be done. I will go where you want me to be”. Of course, it has not been easy and some times I feel like I’m aimlessly wandering. I may not know but God knows.

I have yearned for so many things yet have been denied it. I used to question God and wonder why He withheld successes from me. It made me feel pitiful, small and worthless. It did not help that in the eyes of man, I was looked down upon for having no accomplishments to shout of. My esteem shaken with scars to prove. Occasionally though, these wounds are ripped apart once more by ravenous vultures who choose to pick at it till it is raw so that I hurt over and over again.

I realise now that had I been given access to these moments of human glory, pride would have overtaken my heart and my senses would be impaired to experience and see the hand of God move. I should think that that would be the greater tragedy.

To many I may seem defensive but it is security I feel. I should try and dispel the negative slander that is heaped upon me constantly but why should I? It is between God and myself. I protect the light within me, the one that God has lit. I believe wholeheartedly that God will take care of me as He takes care of the sparrows. I am grateful and thankful to Him for reminding and reassuring me all the time that He loves me even when I falter and doubt.

I thank God that he is tweaking my senses constantly and tuning me into Him. Even when I do not ask of Him to do so. This in itself is a wondrous experience and I am only seeing it now, admitting and submitting to it. I am cautious too and check myself constantly to make sure that it is not I but God who is moving. Only then can I sing His praises and stand in awe.

There is a niggling in my brain right now telling me that I am wrong and I shall dispel it. God help me.

I will be honest and admit that I am some times gripped by fear that I may abandon God one day. Oh, I hope for that never to happen! To be in darkness is unimaginable!

And yet, why should I doubt? I have seen the blessings pour forth from heaven … He has shown His favour and His love towards me and my family. I have been rewarded for my faithfulness without asking or deserving any of it.

I am not saying I am perfect. I am far from it. I still struggle with the 7 Deadly Sins yet God still loves me. And He loves you too.

People may put you down but it doesn’t matter because the only opinion that matters is that of God.

From Chapter 2 (i),

Before this happened Philip had seen his future very simply, when he had thought of it at all: he would be a monk, live a humble and obedient life, and in his old age, perhaps, become abbot, and strive to live up to the example set by Peter. Now he wondered whether God intended some other destiny for him. He remembered the parable of the talents: God expected his servants to increase his kingdom, not merely to conserve it. With some trepidation he shared these thoughts with Abbot Peter, fully aware that he risked a reprimand for being puffed up with pride.

To his surprise, the abbot said: “I’ve been wondering how long it would take you to realise this. Of course you’re destined for something else. Born within sight of a monastery, orphaned at six, raised by monks, made cellarer at twenty-one – God does not take that much trouble over the formation of a man who is going to spend his life in a small monastery on a bleak hilltop in a remote mountain principality. There isn’t enough scope for you here. You must leave this place.”

Philip was stunned by this, but before leaving the abbot a question occurred to him, and he blurted it out. “If this monastery is so unimportant, why did God put you here?”

Abbot Peter smiled. “Perhaps to take care of you.“

- The Pillars of the Earth, Ken Follet

After reading The Twilight Saga Collection, I’m now attempting to read this epic novel. I’ve decided to add the bits that interest me.

Abbot Peter’s answer inspired me. I remember when I read his answer I paused and went, “Wow.”

Because maybe that was all God wanted Abbot Peter to do. So many times we get caught up with finding the meaning of life and the purpose of our existence that we forget that God has a plan for all of us. His plan for us may not be grand or obvious to the world but in God’s eyes, it matters. Even if it seems so tiny and insignificant in our eyes. And even if we never receive recognition or a handsome title or a hefty reward…

Maybe God keeps us alive just for that one moment in time when He needs us and that’s it – we’ve fulfilled God’s purpose. It makes life almost pointless to some but it matters to God.

We feel that the only way for us to feel like we’ve reached our full potential is if we are recognised and rewarded for our efforts. After all, isn’t that what our jobs and careers ask of us?

It’s creeping into the church system too by the way… where the only way to feel that you are serving God is if your brothers and sisters in Christ see you doing something in a Church context…

I remember watching Doubt and the same thought struck me – In today’s consumer driven world, we are always left unsatiated because we expect the grass to always be greener on the other side.

Should we succumb to the secular school of thought i.e. to chase after fame and fortune so that we feel accomplished at the end of the day or do we humbly let God use us for His purpose even if we don’t get any earthly returns?