In Loving Memory: 1 Year 5 Months & 8 Days

Last night (i.e. March 10, 2009 morning), I dreamt of Papa.  It was so vivid.  He had come back from somewhere and I saw him as relatively frail in my dream. But he made so much sense.

As we have been having maid issues, Isa got pregnant and I’m sad for her.  Sad that her life became such a mess because of sin. The consequences of sin can be so dire some times and I only wish her the best and can only ask God to help watch and protect her. God, please help her. I know I cannot reach out to her in any way but I know you can. Touch her life. It’s sad and my heart bleeds for how things have to end – that is our relationship and her time in Malaysia. I thought she would go back happy at least. It’s just too sad and traumatic for her.  She said she was gang-raped but we don’t really know for sure because her testimonies don’t seem to match up and we’ve known her to be a liar for the most part. Not only that she seemed relatively ok before she found out she was pregnant. There seems to be an aura of sadness around her these days and she’s a happy and chirpy person normally. I pray for whatever oppression that is on her to leave in Jesus’ name. I pray for happiness to wash over her soul… let her be that innocent girl who came two years ago. . . but she wanted to stay for another year so I’m not sure what is up but God help her that she does not suffer alone.  I hope she clears out her system so that she can be that sweet innocent and kind girl that I know she is. 

After all, she was there with Papa during the last days… she helped ease some of his discomfort. Man… those days some times seem so distant but she has a helpful and kind spirit… and a very people person. I hope she finds a job working with people. We aren’t the friendliest family so I hope she finds a more sociable household or she can work in a hospital or a day care. I hope God you will place her well. I can’t help but feel my heart break for her situation. 

Back to my dream.

As we have been having maid issues, I naturally dreamt of maids… there were 3 huddled in our tiny maid’s room. I went in there and I’m not sure if Isa was there but I remember querying one of the maids about something. In walks my dad in his pyjamas and starts to make light of the situation. He talks about the mattress and makes some joke about it and laughs his cute cackly laugh. He smiles a lot and suddenly the air in the room is a lot happier. I think he gets the answer I was looking for and he tells me when we walk out that some times it’s easier to get answers when things aren’t so serious. I have a lot to learn. Later on, there was motorcycles involved, I think someone was riding up and down the ramp. My dad wanted to polish one of the bikes (Harley Davidson looking) so we gave him a cloth, adjusted a bench for him to sit on and he went about polishing that bike. It was a really nice dream of Papa. 

I’m not sure why I woke up so early today. Around 5 something in the morning. I was really awake. I knew it because I opened my eyes and looked out the window. I’d just had the dream of Papa and because of how real it was, I woke up, I think. Also could be that I was thinking of Isa in the hospital. We hadn’t gone to see her yesterday and I was quite worried about her. I felt bad ‘cos I know how lonely and desolate it can be. All I can do is pray. But God, I hope you will surround her with good people in the next few days. People who won’t harm her or mistreat her anymore. She deserves better. We all do. I’m sorry if I’ve been bad (I know I have) and I’m sorry if I can’t stop being human. Forgive me Father for my weaknesses. I hope you will give Isa a peace of mind and good sleep tonight. Help her rest well. I hope she gets back to Indonesia safe and sound. 

Anyway, thank you Pa for that great time I got to spend with you tonight. It made me so happy. I hope Carmen dreams of you too! And little Olivia. So she knows who her grandpa is!